


Squeezing The Trigger (Letting It Go)

by Sassy_Cage



Category: Bandom, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: High School? Maybe college AU, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Sexual Abuse, Self-Harm, Suicide, What Was I Thinking?, deep talks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-03 13:35:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13342329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassy_Cage/pseuds/Sassy_Cage
Summary: Kellin had just come to the beach to relax. To write, maybe, but just to hang out.He was not coming so he could find the person at the edge of the cliff, holding a gun to his head.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'd really really like to thank CaitClandestine who wrote this fantastic fic:https://archiveofourown.org/works/3637845/chapters/8036196 which helped me come up with some of these ideas (Mike being in jail, etc.) . I really do suggest reading it, its fucking fantastic. (I just realized the gun and high place thing, we have in common. AA sorry!)

Kellin had just come to the beach to relax. To write, maybe, but just to hang out.  
He was not coming so he could find the person at the edge of the cliff, holding a gun to his head.  
  
Immideately, he parks as close by as possible and stands at the other side of the cliff.  
"Hey."  
The person at the edge turns on their heel and drops their hands to their sides.  
"Don't." They say, bitter.  
Kellin slowly walks closer.  
"I... I don't know what you mean. I'm not going to guilt you. I just want you to explain your plan to me. Can you do that at least? This'll be traumatic anyway."  
The person relaxes and Kellin realizes its a boy about his age.  
"I'm gonna shoot myself here. Facing the ocean. I'll go off the cliff and it'll be less cleanup. My family will think I went missing, they won't have to see my body."  
Kellin inches closer until the boy starts backing up, then he stops where he is, about an arms length away.  
  
The only thought in his head right now was 'don'tpointthegunatme don'tpointthegunatmedon'tpointthegunatme' but he pushes his fear aside.  
"Your family won't have to see your body, sure, but you'll wash up on some shore somewhere anyways. Someone will be traumatized. Two people actually. Me, and whoever finds you washed up."  
The boy tenses again.  
"Then leave if you don't wanna see it."  
"I'm not a bad person. I'm not leaving a suicidal person to die. Not alone at least. That's exactly what's pushed you here. Being alone. Right?"  
The boy clearly tears up.  
"I-"  
"You're scared, aren't you?"  
The boy turns back towards the sea.  
"No!"  
"You don't wanna die. You wanna stop the pain."  
Kellin inches slightly closer.  
"Of course, its your choice. I can't stop you if you're determined completely. But... I have a feeling you aren't. And that's okay. Good in fact. I'll wait here until you make your decision."  
And Kellin does. He waits half an hour with the boy softly squeezing the trigger, then letting go.  
"What's your name?"  
"Kellin."  
"Will you end up jumping if I do this, Kellin?"  
Kellin shrugs.  
"Maybe."  
The boy shivers and Kellin holds out a hand.  
Then the boy quickly turns on his heels, shaking, tears running down his cheeks.  
"I can't do this, Kellin! I can't die, I don't want you to die! I don't... I..."  
The boy looks like a scared child and Kellin almost tears up himself.  
  
The boy grips Kellin's hand and Kellin slowly helps him back down to safety. Kellin shows him his drivers license, reassuring the boy that he was authorised to drive and a teenager, like him, which puts him at ease. Then he calmly asks the boy to drop the gun. Suprisingly, he does, and Kellin slowly picks it up and puts it in the trunk.  
The boy settles in the backseat.  
  
Halfway through the drive home, the boy in the back falls asleep. Kellin lets him sleep, he'd ask questions later.  
Kellin's house isn't far from the beach, so its not long. The boy in the back wakes up as soon as he feels the car not moving anymore.  
He rubs his eyes and Kellin opens the door for him.  
"Hey. Are you okay with spending the night here?"  
Already, Vic trusts Kellin so he nods.  
  
Kellin's house is small, nothing to write home about.  
"I'll set you up on the couch just gimme a sec, okay? Just hang up your jacket and uh... explore if you'd like."  
Vic nods, yawning softly, and he wanders the house, peeking in to the bathroom, which was simple, nothing suggesting Kellin was a murderer. Bedroom said the same. Vic was put at ease even further.  
  
When he wanders back into the living room, the couch was set up as a bed.  
"Hey. You can sleep here. I'm gonna sleep on the chair right there so if you need me, just wake me up, okay?"  
Vic nods.  
"Th... thank you, Kellin."  
Kellin smiles.  
"Hey. You deserve to be alive."  
Vic tears up at that.  
"Thank you so much."  
"No problem. Goodnight."  
Vic settles under the covers and is out like a light in seconds.  
He couldn't remember a time when he'd ever felt this hopeful.


	2. Chapter 2

Kellin wakes up and panics when he sees the boy from the cliff isn't on the couch. He goes to get up but notices something heavy on his arm.  
When he looks down, he sees the boy curled up next to him, shivering.  
Kellin slowly, slowly slips out from under him and goes to shower.  
  
He pulls open the curtain and steps in, turning on the water and just standing under it and considers the situation.  
The dude was suicidal. He was fucked up. But he was scared and confused. Kellin had been there before, and he could never, ever leave someone who was feeling like that.  
He's quick with his shower and he gets dressed quickly too. He wants to take the boy to breakfast or something to make things a little better.  
  
When he walks out, he is still asleep, so Kellin goes to his room to find the boy some clothes. He should at least change.  
He picks out black boxers, a simple black and blue shirt, and a pair of shorts.  
While he's trying to find him a sweater and some socks, he hears footsteps that stop just outside his room.  
Kellin turns to see the boy from the cliff in just his sweater he came in, which reaches his upper thighs, and boxers rubbing his eyes.  
"Morning... I never caught your name."  
Vic yawns.  
" 'm Vic."  
"Morning, Vic. I got some clothes for ya, if you wanna shower or not just change is all I ask. I wanna take you to breakfast."  
Vic's eyes kind of subtly light up.  
"Really? Oh um... okay."  
  
Vic only takes about 10 minutes to shower and change and he comes to check in with Kellin after he's done.  
But Kellin's door is closed so he just knocks.  
"Yeah?!"  
"Um I'm... I'm ready to go whenever."  
Kellin sound shocked.  
"Okay! Shit, okay just... you took less time than I thought! Gimme a sec!"  
Vic listens to Kellin quickly move around his move, brushing his hair quickly and grabbing his wallet.  
Kellin opens the door.  
"Ready?"  
Vic nods.  
"Lemme grab my keys."  
Vic nods again.  
It doesn't take Kellin long to find them and he waves Vic to the door.  
"You coming, bud?"  
Vic nods and quickly catches up with Kellin.


	3. Chapter 3

"How long has it been since you've eaten, Vic?"   
Vic looks up, obviously embaressed.   
"S-sor-"   
"Nonono. That wasn't...no I just wanna know. You're eating pretty fast is all, like you haven't in a while."   
Vic looks down.   
"Maybe like... four... five months. Real food at least."   
Kellin gasps.   
"Really? Was that like... your parents or..."   
Vic fidgets with his hands.   
"My parents... tried their best."   
"Do you live with them, by the way? Should you... call them or something?"   
"I... I don't live with them anymore. Not since uh... but they tried. They did. They were just uh... anyways. I wanna know about you."   
Kellin leans back, sipping his coffee.   
"Finish your breakfast, then you can ask whatever."   
Vic easily clears his plate, presumably because its been four to five months since he's eaten real food.   
After he's done, he orders a tea.   
  
"So. Kellin..."   
"Quinn."   
"So, Kellin Quinn. Do you live with your parents?"   
Kellin chuckles.   
"No. Emancipated."   
"Why?" Vic blurts.  
"Well-"   
"You don't... I'm sorry that was-"   
"No, don't worry about it bud. You've told me things, so I'll make us even. My dad left when I was a kid, he was a heavy drinker. My mom... she was never an addict... she tried."   
Vic nods slowly.   
"Oh. Fuentes, by the way."   
Kellin tilts his head.   
"Wh-"   
"My last name. Since you told me yours. Fuentes."   
"Vic Fuentes." Kellin mutters. A good name.   
"Do you just wanna like... trade questions? That'll make it easier."   
Kellin nods enthusiastically.   
"Thats a great idea! You first if you'd like."   
Vic thinks for a second.   
"Are you a dog person or a cat person?"   
"Both. What's your favourite element?"   
"Fire. Are you into music? I saw a song notebook and an acoustic in your room."   
"Oh! Yeah! I am. Are you?"   
"Yeah. Although I don't play any real instruments. Are you in a band?"   
"Yeah! Are you?"   
"Yeah, roughly. Why did you... why did you help me yesterday evening?"   
"Everyone deserves a chance. Why did you trust me so quick?"   
"Because you cared. I was right to trust you, Kellin Quinn."   
Kellin blushes.   
"I'm happy I helped you. The world would have been so much less wonderful without you."   
Vic smiles softly and hesitantly reaches across the table, holds out his hand and Kellin takes it.   
"Thank you."   
Kellin smiles.   
"Hey. Anytime."    
Vic blushes and smiles softly.   
"Thanks anyway." 


	4. Chapter 4

On Tuesday of the next week, three days after Kellin took Vic in, Vic shows up in Kellin's doorway, Kellin writing intently.   
"... Kellin."   
Kellin jumps and looks up.   
"Hey! What's up, bud?"   
Vic looks down.   
"T-today 's visiting day at the um... prison and I..."   
Kellin sits up.   
"Why would you need to do that?"   
"I'd rather not... its..."   
Kellin nods.   
"Okay. But I want to sit in or at least be nearby. No way anything illegal is coming into my house."   
Vic nods.   
"Got it. Thank you."   
Kellin nods.   
"Always."   
  
Kellin decided not to "sit in" once he saw who Vic was visiting. But he stood and watched from afar.   
  
Vic approaches very slowly and sits down. The inmate smiles warmly and says something to Vic. Vic still looks upset though. Obviously, the inmate notices this and asks Vic. And Vic bursts into tears. He's obviously explaining while crying. The inmate has the same look on his face Kellin probably has. Pain. The inmate grabs Vic's hand and squeezes it hard, talking very seriously to the shaking, sobbing Vic. Its apparently calming because Vic stops crying.   
The two talk seriously for a long while before a guard comes and tells them their time is up. Vic starts crying again and he squeezes the inmates hand hard before he's pulled away.   
  
Kellin cant read lips normally, but he can tell "I love you" when he  sees it.   
  
Vic comes out with a tearstained face.   
"You got alcohol at your house?"   
Kellin nods, confused.   
"Good."   
With that, Vic heads out and Kellin immideately follows.


	5. Chapter 5

On the drive home, Kellin presses him.   
"Who was that you were visiting?"   
"No one."   
"Didn't seem like no one."   
"Well it was."   
"Are you sure?"   
"Yeah."   
"I don't believe-"   
"Its my little fucking brother!"   
The car goes silent and Kellin nods.   
"I'm sorry, Vic. I shouldn't have pressed you. Thank you though."   
Vic nods, almost to tears again.   
"What... what's his name?"   
"... Mike."   
Kellin nods.   
"You guys get along?"   
"When we were kids, yeah."   
Silence again.   
"I love my brother."   
Kellin nods.   
"Why don't you... talk about him? Like ever."   
"Shut up." Vic snaps.   
Kellin complies.  
  
When they get home, Vic immideately asks where the alcohol is.   
"Top cupboard. Be careful, I only have vodka and I really don't want you drunk right now."   
Vic nods, pours himself a small glass, and walks back into the living room.   
Kellin isn't there so Vic takes advantage of it.   
He feels bad about what he's about to do, of course he does, but he needs it, he always does after visiting Mike.   
He searches the house for pills, of course, but they're in a locked cupboard. Knives too.   
"Fuuuuck." Vic groans.   
He chooses instead to search the bathroom.   
There he finds (of course), a razor.   
But under the sink he finds something else that completely distracts him from his own need for physical destruction.   
A boxcutter.   
That's less normal and suddenly he feels a lot like snooping.   
So he does, Kellin was in his room, he was probably sleeping and Vic needed a distraction.   
Under the sink is the boxcutter. The cupboard above the sink is filled with bandages, pure alcohol, and bandaids.   
This, of course, was suspicious as fuck.   
  
After a bit of considering, he decides to go hang out with Kellin.   
He knocks on Kellin's door then listens for footsteps.   
Instead he hears sniffling.   
"Kellin?"   
"Gimme a sec." Kellin weakly responds.   
Vic does give him a sec, a few minutes in fact, before Kellin opens the door.   
"Hey."   
Kellin has tearstains on his face, his face is flushed, and oh yeah, he'd definately been crying.   
"Can I... hang out in here with you?" Vic nervously mutters.   
Kellin nods.   
"Sure, sure."   
Vic sits on Kellin's bed and Kellin moves around the room, putting things away, generally tidying up. Vic just watches, content with doing just that.   
"So um... how long am I allowed to like... stay?"   
Kellin quickly turns, looking slightly concerned.   
"However long you need to. Hell, you can live here forever if you need.  Or want."   
Vic looks shocked.   
"R-really?"   
Kellin nods.   
"Of course. Of course, always. And even if you end up leaving you can still contact me at any time for anything. You kinda... tie yourself to someone when they catch you about to kill yourself."   
They both laugh a little.   
"Well, thanks, Kellin. Thats... that's really sweet. And I mean... yeah, I guess we're pretty close now, huh?"   
Kellin nods, chuckling.   
"A little."   
Vic picks at a loose thread on the blanket.   
"I'm probably gonna stay a while. I... I don't know how good I'd feel going home alone right now. You know?"   
Kellin nods.   
"I know. However long, Vic. However long you need... or want, you've got a place here."   
Vic nods, leaning back against the pillows.   
"Thank you. You've been the best anyone has ever been to me. Tha-"   
"Don't thank me. Honestly. You don't have to. I  just... I care. I care."   
Vic tears up.   
"You have no idea how much you mean to me, Kellin Quinn. You're my saviour."   
Kellin softly smiles and sits across from Vic on the bed.   
"Vic Fuentes, you saved me too." 


	6. Chapter 6

Monday of the next week, Vic wakes up actually happy. The sun is shining through the window and there's a clear view of the beach nearby. He starts up a pot of coffee and pulls off his sweater when it gets hot. He's comfortable doing that here now.   
  
He pours himself a cup and, as almost an afterthought, he pours Kellin one too.   
He goes from the kitchen to Kellin's bedroom and slowly opens the door.   
Vic almost gasps at how beautiful Kellin looks in the light, all curled up under his blankets, his hair just barely in his face and wow did he just call Kellin 'beautiful'?   
Vic pulls a chair up next to Kellin's bed and sets down both cups of coffee.   
"Kellin?" Vic nervously says.   
Thankfully, Vic doesn't have to say it again, Kellin stirs and looks over at Vic.   
"Oh! Good morning, Vic."   
Kellin quickly pulls on a sweater and sits up, rubbing his eyes.   
"Made you some coffee."   
Kellin softly smiles, picking up the cup and taking a sip.   
"How'd you know I like it black?"   
Vic giggles.   
"I pay attention."   
Kellin takes another few sips before putting down his cup.   
"Ah. You're not shrouded in fabric this morning."   
Vic nods.   
"I feel... safer here than I've ever felt. So uh... yeah. It got really hot in the kitchen."   
Kellin smiles.   
"I'm glad you feel safe here. Nice to see you out of your turtle shell. What do you want to do today?"   
Vic giggles a little over the first part of Kellin's remark and thinks over the second.   
"I'm not really sure. Maybe like... the pier or something? Or like... the beach?"   
Kellin nods.   
"That sounds good. Pier is a no for me but the beach... that sounds good."   
Vic nods.   
"Yeah that sounds like a plan."   
  
It takes them both 15 minutes tops to get ready (Kellin would have taken 5, but he needed to find swim shorts for Vic) and soon they're in the car heading towards... well, Vic wasn't exactly sure. It was the beach, that he knew, but _where_ on the beach was a mystery.   
When they pass the cliff, Vic shudders, vividly remembering the cold sea spray, the hours he spent up on that cliff.   
"Hey, Vic. You okay?"   
Kellin glances over at Vic and Vic nods.   
"Y-yeah. Sorry."   
  
They end up going far away from the cliff to a small section of the beach.   
"No one is ever here. Its nice."   
Vic nods and he does agree. It is.   
They both lie their towels down next to each other, and Vic pulls off his shirt.   
"We going swimming, nerd?"   
Kellin laughs a little and pulls off his sweater, revealing a long sleeved swim shirt.   
"Yeah, yeah, lets go."   
  
They swim and play in the sea for hours, forgetting all the shitty things, finally sitting down in their towels when they become exausted.   
"Jesus, its almost sundown! Damn!"   
Vic giggles at Kellin's suprise.   
"Yeah, I thought you noticed."   
"I was too busy..." Kellin realizes what he's about to say and hesitates.   
"Busy what?" Vic softly prompts.   
"I was... too busy looking at you." Kellin mumbles, a bright blush spreading across his face.   
Vic blushes too, and focuses his attention on the sunset.   
" 's nice. Pretty like you." Vic softly mutters, smiling and Kellin flushes harder than Vic thought possible.   
Its silent then, and hesitantly Vic puts his hand between them.   
It takes a second for Kellin to get the hint, but he puts his hand atop the other's and they watch the sun go down.   
"Thank you. If you hadn't come, I wouldn't have been able to see the sunset or... you or that little diner you took me to or your house. Or visit my brother ever again. Thank you, truly from the bottom of my heart."   
Kellin giggles despite himself.   
"You say that too much.. ."   
He puts an arm around Vic and pulls him close.   
"But you're welcome. I'm happy you're here too."


	7. Chapter 7

Tuesday, Vic dragged himself out of bed late. Hour till visiting hours.   
He gets dressed in a shirt, sweater, and shorts, and went to wake up Kellin.   
But Kellin was already up, sitting on the kitchen counter, sipping his coffee.   
"Hey, bud."   
"Visiting hours." Vic muttered.   
"Shit, yea." Kellin hops down from the counter.   
  
This time, Vic rushed to the inmate... no. His brother. That inmate was his brother. He rushed to his brother, hugging him tightly.   
They gripped each others hands and Mike did most of the talking this time. Vic started crying, as he usually did, and all he was saying was "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" over and over and Mike started tearing up, stroking Vic's hand with his thumb, saying "its okay, its okay, its not your fault, its not your fault, please don't blame yourself". Past that, Kellin couldn't tell (he really needs to learn to read lips better). They both calm, Vic looks down, and they go silent. When the five minute warning comes around, Vic looks up and grips Mike's hand hard.   
"I miss you." was what Vic said.   
"I miss you more. I'm sorry. I should have done better for you." His brother replied.   
And Vic was crying again, telling Mike that it wasn't his responsibility, that he loved him, and "I'm sorry" again.   
"You're my little brother. I was supposed to protect you. I'm sorry." He said.   
And then his brother was crying, sobbing, saying more things that Kellin could vaugely read as Mike talking about how he regretted the decisions that got him in prison, how it was only his fault that he was there, that he missed Vic and hoped he was doing well without him, and that he was working on getting out early.   
And then Vic kissed Mike on the forehead.   
"I love you." He said.   
"I love you most." Mike replied.   
And then Mike was being taken and Vic sat there on the bench, staring into space for a while before getting up and walking back to Kellin.   
  
On the drive home, Vic is eerily silent.   
Kellin lets him stay silent.   
  
Vic was sitting on Kellin's bed with Kellin behind him, braiding his hair.   
"Oh! I have a cool idea! Flower braid!"   
Kellin jumps up, rummages through his drawer, pulling out a string of faux flowers accidentally pulling out some pictures, a piece of paper, and a casette.   
"Shit!"   
Kellin quickly goes to pick it up but Vic beats him to it.   
There are three pictures. One of Kellin as a kid with a woman and a girl, one of Kellin as a kid surrounded by three other boys, and one of Kellin as a kid picking up Easter eggs with two girls.   
"Who's this?"   
Kellin slowly pulls the pictures out of Vic's hands.   
"My mom. My sisters. My brothers."   
Satisfied with that answer, Vic looks at the cassette. Its a normal cassette, with a piece of white tape on it with "fr my baby" on the front  and "you'll always be my baby" on the back.   
"That's from my mom. Way back when we were still... talking... did you see a piece of tan-ish paper by the way?"   
Vic picks up said paper and unfolds it.   
It reads some disturbing stuff.   
'Kellin Quinn, aged 10. Abuse victim since the age of 2. Runaway. 98 pounds. Sexually assaulted continuously at ages-'   
Kellin snatches the paper out of Vic's hands before he can read any more.   
"Please. Don't."   
"Wh... what are you hiding from me?" Vic mutters.   
"Nothing. Just... just leave it alone."   
Vic shakes his head, stands.   
"No, no you're definately hiding things. Who the fuck are you really, Kellin Quinn? Where did you come from? What happened to you? Why are you-"   
"Stop it, Vic. I'm not fucking hiding anything! So drop it!"   
"You are! You're hiding everything! I've told you everything, I dumped out my heart and soul to you and now you're keeping things from me? You know everything about me! And I know next to nothing! I want details and I want to know these things, Kellin! What happened?"   
Then Kellin snaps.   
"stOP IT. WHEN I SAY I DON'T WANNA FUCKING TALK ABOUT SOMETHING I MEAN IT! I'M SORRY YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, BUT I GAVE YOU ALL I COULD WITHOUT GETTING INTO THE GORY DETAILS SO LEAVE IT THERE."   
 Vic stumbles back a little, but still retorts.   
"I can't believe you! I can't believe that you feel the need to hold your trauma from me! Trauma! Do you know what my life has been, Kellin? Trauma! Fuck, dude just get your shit together and tell me, you're being a cowar-"   
"Get out." Kellin says simply.   
"No."   
"I said get out, Victor. I'm not the one to test right now. Please go."   
Vic goes to respond, but Kellin beats him.   
"If you won't, then I will."   
Kellin walks out his bedroom door, walks down the stairs, grabs a pack of cigarettes he'd hidden, and walks outside.   
He didn't even spare a glance back.   
  
And he does walk. For miles. The stretch of the road is almost endless and its all the same in looks and yet, he knows where he is, not where he's going though.   
He almost passes the cliff when he gets to it, but he soon backtracks and slowly walks up to the top.   
There he stands, until he sits on the front edge, facing the sea. God knows why, he had another human being at home that he had to apologize to and take care of and he knew the intrusive thoughts to jump would come anytime now.   
Yet he stayed, turned his phone off, and watched the sun collide with the cigarette smoke as it decended and the stars come out to frame the picture of the sea.   
God knew what time it was, and the intrusive thoughts did come. In the form of 'he doesn't need you's and 'you'll forget forever's.   
He scoots closer to the edge, just barely.   
  
Vic spent his time alone in the house cleaning and worrying. Drinking too, of course.   
He became worried when it was 10 o'clock and Kellin had left at 6. It was pitch black outside, save for the stars and Vic texts Kellin at least 5 times within that hour. 10, 10:10, 10:30, 10:40, and 10:50. No response. That wasn't like Kellin at all.   
He calls multiple times at 11, and at 11:30 he goes out looking.   
He has no idea where he's going, but he walks straight and he too almost passes the cliff.   
Until he steps back because there's a figure there, so close to the edge that it made Vic anxious, smoking a cigarette.   
As he steps closer he comes to a horrifying thought.   
"Kellin?" He calls to the figure, hoping he wont respond.   
But said figure jumps, just barely not off the fucking cliff, before looking over.   
"Kellin, what are you doing out here?"   
"Its nice here. Specifically."   
"Are you planning on jumping, or are you just fucking insane?"   
Kellin softly laughs, pulling his legs up from the ledge and sits crosslegged at the edge instead, which is just slightly better.   
Vic slowly makes his way to the edge as well, pushing through all fear he had of being on this cliff again and sits next to Kellin.   
"It is nice, isn't it?"   
Kellin leans his head on Vic's shoulder.   
"I'm sorry I yelled."   
"I'm sorry for pushing you like that."   
They both just nod and look at the stars.   
They fall asleep on that cliff, clinging to each other.   
Careless for once, even though they were lying on the cliff.   
Odd, but not unwanted


	8. Chapter 8

  
Wednesday, Vic wakes up on the couch, shrouded in blankets. Kellin must have brought him back home. He feels around for his phone before realizing its not on the table.   
He finds it on the charger in the kitchen.   
Admittedly, Vic hadn't turned it on since the cliff incident, but he still was suprised to see over 100 texts from only two people.   
Looks like he had some calls to make.   
  
He calls best friend #1, Tony, who immideately gets on his case as soon as he picks up.   
"Holy shit, Vic you have no idea how fucking worried I've been where are you? Are you safe? Holy fuck Vic, you-"   
"One at a time, Tony. I'm at a new friend's house, okay? I'm safe, but I'm gonna stay here a while. You can come over sometime if you want-"  
"Yeah, that sometime is gonna be today and I'm bringing Jaime and we're gonna fucking kill you for worrying us so much."   
"Slow down, lemme ask."   
Vic slowly enters Kellin's room and Kellin is up, texting somebody.   
"Hey, Vic. Whats up?"   
"Can two of my friends come over? They're my best friends and they wanna bring clothes and stuff."   
Kellin nods.   
"Of course! No problem!"   
"They're gonna ask a lot of questions."   
"I can answer them, Vic. Its okay. Have them over, I wanna meet your friends."   
Vic nods.   
"Thank you."   
He closes Kellin's door as he leaves.  
"He said its fine. But stop by my house and grab me my toothbrush, toothpaste, and some clothes."  
"Can do. Text me the address, I'm leaving in two."  
"Okay. See ya."  
Vic hangs up, texts Tony the address, and sighs, going back to talk to Kellin.  
"Thanks. They've been really worried."  
Kellin puts down his phone.  
"Anytime. Who are these friends anyway?"   
Vic excitedly pulls out his phone and sits on the edge of the bed, handing the phone to Kellin.   
"The one on the left is Tony. He's dumb and gay for my brother. He plays bass in our band thing. The one on the right is Jaime. He's even dumber and we used to date. He talks a lot. Like a lot. He plays bass too. They're stupid dorks and I love them."   
Kellin hands Vic back his phone, smiling.   
"They sound nice. Also, you look cold. I don't know when they're coming over but like..."   
Kellin lifts the blankets on the side of the bed closest to Vic.   
Vic blushes, but remembers how nice it was to be held by Kellin the night before.   
Vic leans down, grabs and pulls on one of Kellin's shirts and slips under the blankets facing Kellin.   
"Hi." Kellin giggles nervously at how close they were.   
"Hi." Vic replies, slipping an arm around Kellin's waist "Jesus, calm down. You weren't this nervous last night. I'm not gonna hurt you, Kellin."   
Kellin blushes, buries his face in Vic's neck.   
"I know. I know you're not. Sorry. Its not you."  
Kellin slips his arms around Vic's middriff and they lie there, breathing in sync, basking in each others warmth and the warmth of the sun coming through the window.   
Neither of them say anything and neither of them know how long it was until the doorbell rings and they both jump.   
"1-2-3 NOT IT" Vic calls immideately, assuming its the mailman. It couldn't have been long enough for Tony and Jaime to be here.   
"Fuck you, I'm never gonna cuddle with you again." Kellin says, obviously joking.   
"Yeah, you'll be saying that until you're cold again." Vic retorts and Kellin sticks his tounge out childishly.   
  
Kellin walks down the stairs, freezing cold as he was only in a shirt and boxers.   
He opens the door and of course, with his luck, its Vic's friends.   
"Oh. Fuck. Hi um..."   
Kellin steps away from the door.   
"Uh... come on in. Vic is upstairs we can uh... do introductions when I'm yknow... not in my boxers."   
Vic's friends laugh and Tony nods to Kellin.   
"Thanks."   
They both head upstairs and Kellin closes the door, following them upstairs.   
Once he gets up the stairs he opens his bedroom door and pokes Vic.   
"Your dork friends are here."   
Vic shoots up in bed and immideately gets up and tackles both of them in a hug.   
"Fuck, I missed you guys!"   
Kellin softly smiles, slowly closing his door so they can catch up privately.   


Vic leads them to the living room where they sit in a circle.   
"So where the fuck have you been?!" Tony says, much too loud.   
"Lower your voice, dude. And I've been here."  
"Yeah, so about that, who the fuck is that dude?"   
"And why were you in his bed?" Jaime adds, leaning in.   
"Don't act so intrigued, Jaime. His name is Kellin. And we've gotten really super close so we were cuddling earlier cause we were cold."   
"Yeah, yeah, "cold" huh?" Jaime teases, making Tony push him softly.   
"No but seriously like... are you into him? Like... honestly?"   
Vic blushes.   
"I hate both of you so much."  
"Not an answer!"   
Vic leans in close to them.   
"Okay. Well... yeah. Absolutely, have you seen that man? He's a fucking adonis! And he's so sweet and funny and loving and... yeah. Yeah, I'm very, very into him. Like if he gave me the oppertunity I'd totally ba-"   
"Hey. Sorry for interrupting."   
Tony and Jaime get these mischevious smirks on their face and Vic knows exactly what they're thinking.   
"Kellin right? Take a seat, man!" Jaime scoots over so that Kellin has a place to sit.   
"Oh... yeah... okay."   
Kellin sits in the open space, purposefully touching his knee to Vic's.   
"So, Vic wont tell us, how'd you guys meet?"   
Kellin looks over at Vic who subtly shakes his head.   
"Um... at the beach. I accidentally got some sand in his face and yknow, that's the best way to make friends."   
That makes Tony and Jaime laugh and Vic mouths 'thank you' to Kellin.   
"Well, shit, that sure is how to win Vic's heart."   
Kellin blushes.   
"How did you two meet Vic?"   
"Ah! Well, Tony was the quiet kid in middle school and I was the loud one and well... Vic was in the middle. So we kinda just started talking to each other on a whim."   
Kellin slowly nods.   
"A deep origin story."   
Jaime giggles.   
"Right? We're the most exciting motherfuckers on earth."   
"Vic, by the way... how's..."   
"Mike? He's okay. As good as he can be, y'know? But he misses you a ton. Go visit him soon, he misses you so so much, I can't stress it enough. Everytime I go its "how's Tony?" "is Tony okay?" etcetera, etcetera."   
Jaime laughs again.   
"What a fucking gaylord, he's so fucking in love with you, Tony!"   
Tony playfully smacks Jaime.   
"Listen bud, you're the only even remotely straight one here so shut up."   
"I am half gay! Also we don't know if Kellin is also-"   
"Oh no, god no! Do I come off that way? Like, as straight?"   
Jaime smirks.   
"To be honest, not really. But, y'never know."   
Kellin laughs.   
"Well, no. So it looks like you're the only remotely straight one here, bud."   
Jaime rolls his eyes.   
"You guys suck and you're all gay."   
"Correct." Kellin giggles.   
"Oh! Your clothes!"   
Tony reaches behind him and grabs a large duffel bag.   
"Only one I could find, hope its okay."   
Vic nods, smiling.   
"Its great, thanks!"   
They laugh and talk for a little longer, until Tony gets a call from his mom asking him to come home.   
"It was great seeing you, V. You should come over to mine soon, yeah?"   
"Sure, man! When I'm feeling better, promise!"   
  
Then Tony turns to Kellin and Vic immideately gets a bad feeling.   
"Whats your last name by the way, Kellin? I think my mom might have known you." Tony asks.   
"Oh! Quinn. Kellin Quinn. Is your mom a teacher?"   
"Oh, no. My mother works with CPS." Tony says, checking his nails casually.   
Kellin's blood runs ice cold.   
"O-oh."   
"She always felt bad for you, y'know? She always came home and talked about you."   
Kellin nods.   
"Oh... thats... um... I'm gonna go."   
And he does, he rushes back upstairs and goes straight to his room.   
"Nice going asshole!" Vic softly says angrily, pushing Tony slightly.   
"I knew it! Hes hiding some major shit from you! Do you know what-"   
"Just go, dude. I'll text you later."   
Tony doesnt look sorry, but he mutters an apology as he walks out, and immideately after he's gone, Vic goes, plops down on the couch and craves a cigarette.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Optional chapter. Huge tw for sexual abuse, sexual assault, and self harm.

Later that day, Vic walked into Kellin's room without knocking, as he always did.

Kellin could have sworn on his life that he locked that fucking door. But apparently, his stupid ass hadn't and he was now in the most terrifying, awkward situations of his life.

Vic could have sworn on his brother's freedom that Kellin wasn't one to lie. Not even once.

"I'm not fucking hiding things!" Kellin had screamed yesterday. Here he was, caught hiding things.

The blood from Kellin's thumb was dripping onto the pristine brown wood of the floor and the blood from his wrists was threatening to drop as well and to Vic it looked like a murder scene.

Vic wanted to scream. He wanted to yell at Kellin, call him a hypocrite, a liar, a fucking asshole. But Vic knew better than to get mad.

So, he just stared for a second or two, then cleared his throat.

"I'm gonna go get the alcohol. No more secrets. Right here right now."

And Kellin hadn't protested so Vic went, got the half empty bottle of vodka and brought it back, sitting right next to Kellin despite the blood. They pass the bottle between them as Vic starts talking between swigs of the alcohol.

"My mom and dad... they were always good to me. My dad was a little hard on me but it wasn't a big deal. And Mike was a good little brother. We loved each other and we shared everything. But when he was too young he got into the wrong crowd and sometimes... I watched him do bad things and I said nothing. I just let that happen. Cause I  didn't... I didn't want him to end up in jail. I just... I can't imagine..." Vic didn't realize he was crying until his tears dripped down his face and he wiped them away quickly. "He went in for drugs. And assault. I miss him every single day. But I'm pissed at him. Mom and dad got so fucking distant after he went its like... its like he was dead. They... they just stopped taking care of me, you know? They stopped caring. The mixture of my parents not caring, not having many friends, and feeling guilty for getting Mike in jail got me out on that cliff. That's all that I've been hiding."

Kellin nods, "I'm sorry man. That's fucking rough. You're strong for being here right now though. Thank you."

Vic nods, "Your turn. What pushed you to this? Now that I've seen it I deserve at least that."

Kellin takes a deep breath and a long drink.

"My dad, when I was little, took a lot of interest in me. I was slight and tiny and he'd wrestle me a lot when I was like 3. And I would giggle cause it was fun and harmless. But it was practice. When I was 4 the pinned me down like he did while we were wrestling. With a lot of different intentions. After my dad left, my mom started dating some new guy. She married him too. He did the same thing. My stepdad did that to me every day. Then when I was 14 or 15 there was a whole fiasco where someone found out and my stepdad basically left the state, the country even, just to get away from the fact that he was going to get consequences. I was emancipated as soon as they found out. Mama couldn't deal with the fact that she married a pedophilic rapist and that her son was gone so she started doing drugs and shit. She might have killed herself, I don't know. But mama let it happen so I don't give a shit what happened. They called me their " prettyboy " and their " princess " and they said things to me that no kid should hear. And sometimes I still hear it. Sometimes I cut just to shut that up. Sometimes I cut to forget. Sometimes I cut because I hate myself. Sometimes I cut because I think I'm not good enough. Sometimes I cut cause I can't stop myself."

Vic takes a long deep breath and Kellin passes him the almost empty bottle.

"I know right?"

Vic nods, "Jesus. I don't even... I don't even know what to say to that. I'm so sorry."

Kellin shakes his head.

"Its over, man. Over and done."

Vic passes the bottle back to Kellin who drinks all of the rest of it at once.He puts the bottle to the side.

"Stay right here, Kay. Just... yeah."

Vic gets up, grabbing the boxcutter and going to the bathroom, grabbing the alcohol, a rag, and bandages, plus one bandaid, hiding the boxcutter. He goes back and Kellin is just where he left him. Vic pats the bed and Kellin sits on the edge. Vic extends Kellin's arm and puts some alcohol on the rag, dabbing at the cuts with the alcohol soaked cloth.

"Heavy shit." Vic states simply.

"Yeah." Kellin replies, flinching a little at the touch of the alcohol. Vic puts a bandaid on the cut on Kellin's thumb and puts the bandages on his arms, kissing his wrists as an afterthought, all in silence. Then he leans over and throws his arms around Kellin. Confused, Kellin hugs him back.

"I... I can't lose you, Kellin. I can't. Not now. Not after what we've been through. Try and quit, will you? For me?"

Kellin nods, tears in his eyes, tightly holding Vic.

"Anything for you. Anything."


End file.
